New Blog for the Not So New Year

OK. I'm going to start writing again. Hopefully, I'll finish this year without failing to blog at least once a week. Anyway Blogging is in my list of things to do so here I am starting this thingy up again. I said to myself that I would start writing New Year's Day but I have sooo much things on my mind right now that I want to jot down... I have this intense craving to write things that are going on in my life. *sigh* I don't know... writing is like a therapy to me. I like it. Too bad I'm not that good at it. Anyway how do I start?

I wanna start with a BANG! lol

Relationship:
You see, I'm of seeing someone. Well not seeing, but talking... I don't know what to call it yet. There are so many reasons why I stayed single for a long time.Based on what I've experienced before, I hate the fact that I think about the person all the time. I find it hard to trust people. I get jealous and easily pushed away. I just don't want to think about whether the person is thinking of me as much as I am thinking him. I'm afraid to emotionally invest on something that might hurt me in the future. RAHH! I tend to overanalyze everything and I hate that in terms of relationship... I always think about whether the guy is cheating on me while I'm at home stuck wondering what he's doing. EECK* but I do miss the perks of being in a relationship. The cuddling, kissing and enjoying each other's company. Damn! that's what I love the most.

But anyway I have uncertainties with this one, just like any other relationships. It's not like I asked to be with someone. Its not like I actually look around for someone contrary to what many people think. It just sorta happened. I've been in relationship hiatus for such a long time and I have to say that "I'm loving it" even if I bitch and moan about being lonely from time to time lol. BUT there will always be someone who will show up unexpectedly. You know the saying that everyone tells you; "Don't look for love, let love find you" or something like that? Well that's what happened and I'm slowly falling for this person. *sigh*

DOUBTS??? He's a very attractive guy. I really find it hard to trust cute people since many are attracted to them which lead to temptations to do some cheating (ie. past relationship with a certain someone). I'm not the greatest looking guy, and yes... I worry that he will cheat. I mean YES people say things about being incapable of cheating; missing you; liking you; and all... BUT THOSE ARE JUST WORDS anyone can say. There are 24 hours in a day and ur only with that person for so long that anything can happen in between those hours that we're apart. Geesh! I just hate thinking... I hate falling for someone... and I hate ... iono... lol HOW CAN U BE SURE IF Their INTENTIONS ARE PURE??? HOW CAN U BE SURE IF they are TELLING THE TRUTH???

I don't know... I guess I just don't want to get hurt... well who does??? I remember this quote:

"It is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all"

I think that its so true... I guess you won't know whether the relationship is worth having... take it day by day I guess... and besides... how can u really have a relationship without trust? The thing is, I don't know the guy that much and it is not fair to judge him based on my past experiences. I don't know. I'm stupid...

KARMA? I have been in relationships before where I stopped seeing someone because of my shallowness (I'll admit it) and because I got tired of the person. I guess I was too immature to properly break up with them as well as being afraid of hurting their feelings. I have done a few things in the past that Im not particularly proud of and because of being single, negative (yes I got tested and I'm all negative) and worry free for so long I'm kind of scared to get hurt, infected and filled with worries. =( Thats why its hard for me to get back to "RELATIONSHIP-hood" but I can't help it... lol.

Note to self:
I want to make sure that I know someone before I get attached to them. Have intimate relationship for reasons that are far deeper than just horniness... IONO! I'm blabbering shitz about relationship... Im not even sure if I make any sense??? All I know is I'm liking someone... and we'll see where it will go from here... This may become a new relationship and I'm pretty sure, it will be different (i hope) ... just wait and see... =)

EDUCATION:
First semester is almost over and finals are the killers... I just hope that I maintain a 3.0 and keep doing whatever I can in order to achieve that highest GPA possible. I don't really want to get into the education aspect... I'm just getting more depress =( ick* I can't wait until X' mas vacation... Let's just put it that way.... Oh yeah! Have I mention that I plan on transferring to UCLA??? Well YEAH! I do lol.

DRIVING:
OMG! when am I going to get my liscence? RAHH! its not like I don't know how to drive; its a matter of when am I going to find the time to take the test? Am I really ready to take the test? As I said, I tend to over analyze things... I hate it>>> I hate myself... lol... (this blog could very well be turned into some kind of a diary of a mad man or something lol) SOON tho... driving with a liscense is coming very soon....

JOB:
I need to get a job. My parent's allowance just don't cut it anymore...

I dont know what to write about anymore... hehe so yeah... till next blog... IM OUT...