NIXZONE 2006

::I Switched::

2006-12-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

My new blog can be found here:

www.xanga.com/nixzone1986

::Our First Monthsary::

2006-12-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

It's been exactly one month and counting...

For our monthsary, we just went to a Christmas Party at my friend's work. Cost us $50 bucks, but its worth it I guess... We had fun tho. I'm too lazy to get detailed right now so here's some pics. Enjoy!

The couple celebrating their monthsary.

Me and my gal Richelle who also won "Best Dressed" that night.

Me and Marc... I love the color combination.

We have pics exactly like this one, a year ago.

::The Guys:: 2/3 = Gay.

::DecemBRRR::

2006-12-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

December is here once again. Aside from the holiday atmosphere, the thing I like most about this month is the weather. Coldness is here once again. So here I am freezing: Brrr, its cold in here!!! lol. Before I start my blog update, here’s a you tube video to welcome the holiday season.

Such a nice song isn't it? But anyway,

::Lazy::
I don’t know if it’s the weather, the holiday season, or him? But for some reason, I’m just too lazy to do anything. I don’t want it to affect my academics but its too late. It already did =( I withdrew from a course, and I’m failing my Math class for missing the test today. Yeah! It means that I have to retake it again next semester. I'm just now realizing that I’m wasting so much time for not putting effort in passing these classes; but for some reason, I find it easier to give up than to even try at all. I don’t know? I’m not as academically enhanced/ active as I used to be. Thank God I’m no longer planning to transfer ::sigh:: I’m convinced that I’m going to pursue nursing. For now, I guess its the saying, “try harder next time”.

::Family::
Coming out to my parents is the hardest thing that I had to do in my life. I mean, telling them about who I really am and not knowing what their reactions would be is too much to handle! But yeah. I’m over the“coming out to the parents” phase. And the good thing is, they’re ok with it. Sure it was hard for them, but we had “THE TALK” and everything’s fine. But there’s consequences though... I can’t put make up on and dress like a drag queen. Darn!!!

::MYSPACE::
I updated my myspace.com and its soooo hmmm, nice looking lol. No! I mean its really really good looking. Thanks to my boifriend… hmmm Raym??? Raffy! Yeah him lol j/k. But yeah, I also uploaded a whole bunch of pix with the homies!

Kim's Party

Marc's Car

After the Pacquiao Fight!

2 out of 3 actually know what they're doing!

L.Q. lol

::RAFFY::
Have I already mentioned the fact that I have a boifriend and I’m so in love with him? Hmm? Taj Mahal ko talaga siya to the max!!! MAHAL ko sya!!! lol Mahal na mahal!.

And here’s the cheesy part:

There’s just a certain part of my day,
A certain moment, that I think of him.
Then I suddenly realize,
WHOA! I really love this guy.
And I want our relationship to last for a long time.

When my day’s not going so well,
I just think of him and suddenly,
I have no worries.
I’m just happy that I have him there
To talk to and be with
At the end of a rough day…

B.T.W. (by the way lol) I love Thai (aka Thailand lmao: the country where prostitution is legal WHOOT!WHOOT!) food because of him. It’s the exotic food we love to share lol.

::Job search::
I don’t think I’m going to get hired anytime soon. I really want to get the library job that I applied for. I like the hours that they have there. Gosh! I’m really hoping that they call me soon. I need to pay my cellphone bill.

::DANCE! DANCE!::
I really want to dance lately. I mean performance/routine type dancing. So I’m going to take dance classes next semester so I can perform again. Hip/hop and jazz dance classes. Yeah yuh! lol

::SAN FRANCISCO::

Another trip I’m taking next Friday... I’m going up to Frisco for three days with my Taj Mahal/ baby boi lol. We’re going to drive up there to visit and tour his hometown and meet his kaibigans. I’m going to fly back home solo on Monday morning though since he’s going to stay there for Christmas. Gah! I miss him already!

I’m going back to San Francisco again. But when I return here, "I’d be leaving not only him there, but also my heart and my soul". Now can I get an AWWW?!?

AWWW! Nixxon is so Sweet!

::Homeland::
As I’m watching my Filipino channel, I realized how hard it is to make a living back in my mother homeland. Everyone seem to have a hard time to make a living. It makes me really thankful about the things that I have now, things that I often take for granted. I always complain about my life, but in reality, my life is not bad whatsoever. I am blessed for having the things that I have, and for that… I am thankful.

I Want Him to Come Home

2006-11-26T16:07:00.000-08:00

I miss him very much...two more days and I'll get to see my baby...

To My Lola,

2006-11-25T22:33:00.000-08:00

I've been missing my lola lately. Especially tonight, I found myself in tears all of a sudden, thinking about her. She passed away almost 2 years ago after a long fight to live a normal life once again, but sadly she passed away. I miss everything about her: her cookings, her love and care for her kids and grandkids, watching TFC with her, spending mornings at her house when I decided to skip first period, running errands for her at Hoa Fong, holidays especially Christmas... its never the same without my lola. I miss her very much. I know she's in a very special place right now, looking over us, over me... but I just can't help but miss her.

To my lola,
You're not and will never be forgotten. We hope that you're happy wherever you are. I love you very much and I will hold you very close to my heart... forever.

A Thanksgiving Blog

2006-11-22T22:06:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the official start of the holidays. Normally, I would be very happy, but since I’m the “broke-est” man alive, hehe I’m not so happy. Why? Coz I’m not gonna be able to shop and spend =( gah. I really need a job, but I’m not doing anything about it…

Academia:
School once again is the shit… and I mean that in the most negative way as possible lol. I’m not doing bad, but again I could do a lot better, but the semester is almost over so I’m looking forward to that =).

Coming Out Update:
So from the last blog, I told my mom about my situation… but the big TWIST; haha I know you didn’t see this one coming: my dad found out too! After overhearing a conversation between my sister and my mom about my sexual orientation, my dad now knows that I am gay… YIPPIE! Of course conversation took place and here’s a list of some things that came out of my parent’s mouths:

It’s just a phase… u can change.

U should be ashamed of yourself.

U’re gonna be lonely forever.

You don’t act gay, so you can’t be gay.

Blah! Blah! Blah!

I’m GAY!!! lol ACCEPT IT!

In spite of these stereotypical remarks, my parents and I are ok now. I guess they figured that I’m not one of those stereotypical gay guys that they know: dressing like a girl, flamy type, paying guys to be their "papa" lol. I'm anything but that! Now it seems like nothing ever happened. Everything's the same. My coming out didn’t make as huge of an impact as I’d hope for. Eh! Whatever!

LOVE:
Aside from coming out, I managed to find someone to love. Seems like the list that I made of things I want to accomplish at the age of 20 is getting checked one by one hehe. But yeah! I’ve never felt so content being with someone in my life. He’s different and much more that I could ever ask for. He is a special guy doing things that only he and I know hehe. I don’t want to get too detailed. That’s all I’m gonna say. He’s making me happy. I really miss him tho. He’s in San Francisco for the Thanksgiving break, so I haven’t seen him for over a week =(

Major:
I finally decided that I’m gonna give Nursing a try. My mom is right, I don’t think I can be as successful if I major in something else. Its about time I pick the major that I want. I feel like I’m wasting my time and money in school; and yes! I've wasted a year and a half taking courses that I don’t even need. I have a lot of classes still to take in order to apply to the Nursing Program; most are lab sciences. So future semesters are gonna be tough for me. I feel like with this career path, I can be affluent and successful.

PACMAN:
Haha random I know; but I just have to write about the Pacquaio Vs. Morales fight that took place last Saturday. Guess who kicked someone’s butt? Yup Yup… it was the “People’s Champ” Manny Pacquaio who once again brought pride to the Filipino’s… Mabuhay si Manny!!!

My FOB Side:
Hehe again, soo random. I am addicted to a soap opera: “Bakekang” sounds weird I know, but its really good. I love the story and I can’t miss an episode. Me and my mom are fcukin addicted lol. Oh btw, if someone wants to make me straight, the bring these fine ass Filipinas to me lol:

Sarah Geronimo

Katrina Halili

Issa Calzado

Isabel Oli

Angel Locsin

DaVinci Code
I watched the gosh darn film and I was hella confused. Fcukin movie didn’t make any sense. Eh I guess I’m not very religious… ATTENTION: IT'S CONFIRMED, NIXXON BARRERA is not a religious person! People keep telling me to read the book instead since the movie made an awful mess of it; but yeah right! I don’t even have time to read things that I’m required to… I also watched “Ice Age: The Meltdown” with my brother. It was a funny movie, but I realized that I was laughing more than he did haha.

P.S.
November is such a weird month, I just realized that November 2004, exactly 2 years ago: I came out to my sis and that’s when I have Onad, my very first boyfriend. And now; 2006 I came out to my parents and I have Raffy as a boyfriend. Hmm. Weird.

But anyway...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

The Day I Came Out To My Mother

2006-11-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

Shitty day.
I’m having one of those days today. I thought today would just be a regular day, but BOY! was I wrong. Tonight has been a very crazy night, to put a bit of decency to what happened.

My dad came in my room and apparently could smell marijuana. The guy clearly doesn’t know me. He should know that I would not do such thing… but NO!!! He accused me of doing drugs. For a guy who doesn’t smoke, not even a cigarette, that's really insulting. So I had to talk back… the talk back turned to him hitting me… and my mom came in to intervene.

The bitch (please excuse my vulgar word, but I’m just really angry) talked shit about my friends being a “BAD INFLUENCE” and even criticized my studies. The “Father of the Year” doesn’t see any of my good qualities: all he sees are my bad side, which I’m not gonna deny, I do have it.

Anyway, my nanay (mom) who I love very much, came in to talk to me in a sincere, a very sincere way. In her motherly tone, she asked me if I'm doing anything drug-ish. I will never lie to my mom so I told her the truth. She told me that she was there for me and I should tell her about my life. Anything that’s been buggin me, problems that I’m facing. And there it was, the perfect time to say it: “Problema ko, bakla ako”. Then there was silence… I was a bit relieved, a bit embarrased, a bit scared of how she's going to react. Eh, its about time I told her.

Then she asked “why?”

I said “I don’t know”. Hehe I didn't want to lecture about the "Nature, Nurture" debate; gene contribution, the Kinsey Report, etc. Now is not the time...
(its weird how I can still manage to have a sense of humor during these times ::lol::)

Anyway, she told me to respect my dad and walked out of my room. I’m pretty sure we’ll talk about it tomorrow. When my dad’s not around; the guy’s narrow minded, he won’t get it. We’ll see what’s gonna happen…

November…first comes “LOVE”; second “Coming Out” … hmm what else will this month bring me???

NOVEMBER 11, 2006

2006-11-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

The day Rafael and Nixxon are together...

Si PONG...

2006-11-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

I Really like a guy named "PONG"

November this year is a blessing. In spite the fact that I have no job and no money, school sucks as usual, someone is managing to make me HAPPY… and his name is… hmm. OH! Yeah. It’s Raffy hehe. I really don’t want to write a whole novel about him, though I want to… Lemme just summarize everything, the way I am taking on life, with pure simplicity… he is a great guy. I can never asked for a better guy to see, talk to and be comfortable with. I am a lucky guy.

I've never seen myself with a Filipino guy, but I guess when being "in like" happens, it happens. And the fact is, I've never been more happier and content. I know there's no such thing as "THE PERFECT GUY", but if someone gets along with my friends, holds the same values as I do and shows that he is the most honest and the most caring person in the world, then that would make my "PERFECT and IDEAL GUY"

To Raffy:
I managed to sneak in the flowers you gave me... lol. Thank you for a great weekend babe. Hindi kita iiwan and I hope you'd do the same thing. Lets make this work!

And now, a song lol:
Bakit ba ganyan?
Ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan
Umula't, umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
Ang iyong katangian
Damdamin ko'y ibang iba
Kapag kapiling ka sinta.

Ewan ko kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay 'di maintindihan
Kailngan and pag- ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa yo
Magmula, ng kita ay makilala (sa Rage lol)

I like you very much... kahit lagi kang may dumi sa mukha lol. muah

::Special Place::

2006-10-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

A gentleman took me to a “special” place,

Where the view was astonishing, peaceful and serene.

Seems like a site that can only be seen in a movie, an art gallery, or even a beautiful dream.

The moon, the stars, reflecting on the calm water,

A mountain with city lights and trees being rustled by the wind.

The wind on my face, the calm sound of the crashing waves,

A place where the moon is the only light

And seeing his face,

At this special place...

::SHOUT OUTS::

2006-10-30T21:06:00.000-08:00

Hey Blogger,

Its me again. Eh. I know I haven’t updated u for days now so here’s an update. Hmm UPDATE lol. Well I'm pretty sure you're used to me already so to start off, here's academic stuff lol.

Midterms… =(
As usual, there's never ending school works and exams… Well I guess if I’m going to UCLA, I need to get used to it. I’m just happy that I managed to turn in the paper for Physical Anthro. And I can confidently say that the presentation was ok. It’s just a matter of finding out whether I did good on the paper. Eh I’ll find out my grade eventually. Now there’s more upcoming stuff that I need to do and work on, including my Phys. Anthro. midterm tomorrow. I'm not studying and the exam is only a gigantic chunk of my grade =( BLEH! WTVR!

The KNOW is SPREADING!!!
I got a physical and HIV/AIDS/STD screening… and I am
NEGATIVE!!!

Rage:
I’ve been going to Rage every week now, it seems like. Gah! I love dancing. Well, this week, Jasmin Trias was there again. Hehe. So u know I really gotta be there. It was cool, but she only performed 3 songs. I guess it was ok. I was in front, so close to her. =)

Someone did the sweetest thing that night too. I now have Jasmin's face on my nighstand as a result =)

Oh BTW, we also saw Michelle Rodriguez the week before... hehe she is really nice and pretty... hehe... I gave her a *hug*
HI!!! DAVID!!! lol Thank's for getting me all drunk that night... my hand is still badly swollen!

Hurt:
The new song by Christina Aguilera is really good. Depressing, but its good. I love songs like that. I guess I can relate. Why? Coz I’m always hurt. HAHA! I know, EMO.

Haha and a last minute shout-out:

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY to my ATE…
I love YOU SIS!!!

and tomorrow is another boring Halloween so...

HAPPY "BORING" HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!

::TWENTY:: Part 5: Five Things To Establish @ 20

2006-10-30T21:04:00.000-08:00

1. Get A Car.

2. Select a Major

3. Experience something life- changing (without the expense of anyone).

4. Learn how to be content and happy. Be carefree; without doubts and worries.

5. Know and feel what its like to be in love. I’m not in a rush though. At this age, I doubt it will happen…

::TWENTY:: Part 4: Future/ Education

2006-10-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

I have an education crisis going on. I still haven’t decided which major to pursue. I am currently taking all these nonsense classes to full fill the Honor’s Curriculum and some Sociology classes here and there. But other than that, I have a grip load of courses that I have yet to take if I am planning to become a typical Filipino Registered Nurse. All I know for now is that I want to get a Bachelor’s Degree from UCLA; Major? Sociology. I’m ambivalent with Nursing though. We shall see! But I have to make a decision quick, I feel like I’m wasting time and money.

What do I want to do in life?
For now I just want to be happy. Carefree and content with what‘s going on in my life. In the future I want a job that will pay well and would make my parents proud. A job where I would anticipate and look forward to going each day. A job I don’t consider a burden. I do want to get married to the ideal guy and start a family. Be happy and safe. That’s all I want. A simple, well- off life.

::TWENTY:: Part 3: Appearance

2006-10-30T20:57:00.000-08:00

Eh as we all know, I'm twenty and I'm getting old.

There are many things that I want to change and starting to be physically active is one thing that I want to do. I want to start working out and develop a fitter body; not for anyone to see, but for my own convenience.

I don’t want to end up obese, with every illness you can think of. I am getting older, therefore, the risk of getting sick is higher so I am planning to change my diet and work out on a daily basis.

Being fit will also improve my confidence, so I don’t have to be insecure most of the time. Getting rid of my acne through diet change wouldn’t be so bad either. So I gotta drink more water and more and more water lol.

TIME TO GET HEALTHY!!!

::TWENTY:: Part 2: Relationship

2006-10-30T20:37:00.000-08:00

As I looked back on how I approached relationship in the past, I am not particularly happy with how I approached, coped and dealt with it. Before, I would become “boyfriends” with someone even if I know very little about him. At this age, I think I’ve had enough with mediocre type of relationship. Time to set standards for myself and the person I want to be with. It is not at all complex, its just good enough to develop something with someone thats “ideal“. These are some of the things that I want to change about myself and what I want to see in someone I can possibly be with.

1. Relationship should be slow and ongoing process of getting to know someone completely. It means: constantly finding something new about each other every day.

2. I should be able to trust. This is something that I’ve had a hard time doing in the past. I guess I’m a true pessimist, something that I shouldn't be.

3. I want someone who is brutally honest even if it means, I that I’ll get hurt in the end. I don’t understand why guys cheat. I think its better to just be honest and tell the person if he doesn’t want the relationship to continue. Heck, if you don’t want me, I’d gladly let you go.

4. I'm looking for someone who is family Oriented, romantic and self- sufficient. Someone who will be there for me.

5. I want to be completely at ease with someone and enjoy the time spent together even if it means laying down in silence.

6. I should avoid over thinking about the negatives. Its emotionally draining to think about someone. I need to be more laid back and trusting. I can only hope that the person is being honest and faithful. I don’t know, I guess I approach relationship with bias and unfair thoughts, thinking that every guy’s intention is to break my heart. But then again, certain events can only lead to learning and improving oneself. From now on, I am going to approach relationship slow and not over analyze every single aspect of it. I think that this will be the hardest to change. I guess I care too much. =(

There, I had made my list lol. Pathetic I know but oh well!!!

I love the simplicity of life. I am the type of guy who craves to be loved and I want to give love. I have never experienced those 4 letters, though I have said it in the past. I have a cousin who have 2 girlfriends at the moment: one of them pregnant. I realized, WOW! Love isn’t what I imagined it to be. No one seems to take it seriously anymore. But I’d like to hope that love still exist out there; but I doubt, eh! I always doubt.

Its hard to find true love in the gay community where most people are all about sex and superficiality. Everyone lies and as harsh as it sounds, its very easy to cheat. I guess its true what women says, "all guys are the same". But not quite. Not to make it sound like a cliché, but I’m different. Bleh! I guess that’s the reason why I’m always bound to get hurt…

Who needs love anyway? People at this age are still enjoying life; single hood. All the love I want to give and receive are the one given and coming from my family and friends; and there’s few of them. That should be enough to get me by these days, until I encounter someone to be intimately be in love with.

:::TWENTY:::

2006-10-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over a month since I turned 20 and I haven't yet written anything about what I want to change in life... what I want to accomplish... the standards I want to set for myself. So since I'm bored once again, I will write about it otherwise; it will be another thing... among the many that will be left undone...

To start off, what did I do for my birthday???
Like last year, its dinner with the closest friends at an Italian Restaurant called Bocca something.. I don't even remember the name lol. It was a small event with the friends I love the most. Cz I was broke (still am by the way) everyone had to pay for their food lol. It was fun and intimate, just the way I like it. My family also threw me a small party at home for a simple get together with the relatives. I am planning to go big tho when I turn 21.. We shall see what event I'm gonna plan.

Well, I'm tired of writing lol. Definitely not what I had planned... but I'm just tired lol. So I guess I'll write more ::TWENTY:: entries some other days... I'm out!

Lazy Ass Sunday

2006-10-15T23:41:00.000-07:00

So today is dark and gloomy outside. Im at home watching “The Bone Collector” hehe, theres nothing like watching a crime movie during a dark, cold, day. Im kinda bored. As usual I have school stuff to do but im not doing it coz im lazy… eh Procrastination! here it comes again…

Anyway how was my weekend u asked?

Well I went to my cousins wedding yesterday. It was nice but I can't help but think about my own wedding. Will I ever get married someday? And to who? Will my family be there? Am I gonna find an ideal guy to marry? All these questions just drove me insane... Eh the receptions didn’t help either. All those wedding songs just made me wanna be with someone at the moment, sitting down and enjoying the sunset outside the restaurant... Weddings… a way for a couple to commit, a depressing day for others =(

Friday night tho was different. I went to Rage with Will. At first, we thought we weren’t gonna go because it was raining like crazy, I mean pouring RAIN!!!! like seriously!!! RAIN WITH THUNDER AND LIGHTNING!!! but because we're both Rage deprived, we decided to go in spite of the monstrous weather lol… Surprisingly, it wasn't even raining in LA.

I met up with Edgar there.. It was a really good night… I’m happy.. I miss him at the moment tho =( hmm maybe one of these days, I’ll write an entry about him..

Eheh.. Before I forget, I can now call myself a “match maker”. I introduced Will to Michael and haha… they’re talking to each other now… even got a lil somethin, somethin from each other that night… if u know what I mean lol … thats dirrrrty tho lol… yuck :::vomit::: lol

hey blogger!!!

2006-10-12T13:37:00.000-07:00

i wish i could come up with a more creative title for this entry but eh, i can't come up with one... this blog ain't gonna take long tho.. hmm im just bored and im here at school. WOrrying about the things that I have to do for next week... lets just say; i'm not happy =(

I know I should do work instead of blogging but I'm too lazy this afternoon. Grahhh!!! So much shitz to do. Anyway, I'm happy however, because I did ok on the two exams I was worrying about last monday. I got a B+ for Anthro... missed 2 questions to get an A... and and A in Geography... i only missed 1 question w/c sucks... so next week, I have two more exams; this time in Math and again in Geography... In addition, I have a big ass midterm coming up as well and 3 papers to write... hmmm i think i wrote about this in my previous entry.. eh. This blog ain't academic blog .. so imma shut up now about school.

What's Up for me this Weekend?
I am going to my cousin's wedding.. that's what's up lol. First wedding I'm going to in a long time... thinking about it just makes me hungry lol...

oh yeah! dont forget about school... i have alot of studying to do... well at least I'll try to do some work..

Who Do I think about?
Someone... duh! lol

What's My Problems?
I need a job!!! My bank account is ZERO. I have no money in my wallet. I have to pay for my cellphone bill. ANd I need to buy clothes... I need money!!

UPDATES!!!

2006-10-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

ok bloggy here I am again... Just as I promised, I will try my hardest to write all over you. So what's up with me u ask??? hmm

SCHOOL
Right now, I am at school waiting for my Anthropology class to start. I hate that class!!! I thought I was gonna love it, but its a whole buncha BS (and by BS I don't mean Bachelor's in Science) that I dont understand. FCUK I have to do some reviewing. In terms of school this Fall 2006 semester, I am at a good start. I've done some exams already and yes, I'm getting A's and B's. I'm back to my normal geeky self, thank's to the UCLA program; picture slide is at the end of this entry... So here is the breakdown of my fall classes:

*Honor's Geography 5: World Regional Geography
*Honor's Anthropology 1: Physical
*Anthropology 2: Cultural
*Sociology 104: Social Problems
*Math 40: Elem. Algebra

I said in the past that I was gonna take more dance classes but because it was too technical for me, (ie. ballet crap), I ended up dropping it. I'm happy with my course load this semester tho. I think I'm gonna do very well (being as optimistic as possible). UCLA is not that far away (again, being as optimistic as possible). Major- wise, I'm still undecided. I still don't know what to do.. but I am finding resources that can help me. What else can I say about school, hmm.. midterms are coming up.. i have 2 exams next week on the same day, 3 papers to do this month and 1 presentation. Hmm, wow school is soo easy =)

WORK:
I'm out of work. I quit the dumb ass job at Albertson Starbucks coz it sucks... haha. Not gonna go into any details.. coz that's how much I hated my experience there. I need to work soon tho. I need moolahsss alot of them moolahss lol. I did apply to Urban Outfitters tho, but they still haven't called me back.. I wanna work there. I'm pretty sure that it will be a much better work environment than Old Navy.

HP 2000t:
I got a new laptop. Its around 1000 bucks and I love it. I am paranoid tho, I can't help but think that its gonna break down on me one of these days... =( it better not

Television Obsession:
These are the shows I'm obsessing about this season:
*America's Next Top Model
*Survivor: Cook Island
*Project Runway
*Pinoy Dream Academy
*Bituing Walang Ningning
hahah.. I love my TFC! Now that I don't work, I have more time to watch my shows... HOORAH!

Green Tea:
haha I know it came out of no where but I have to write about my favorite drink nowadays lol.. I love Lipton Iced Green teas.. its much better and healthier than sodas.. haha. And from what I heard, it has anti-oxidants that supposedly is good for your body.. so bloggie i will give u a sample when u meet me in real life...

UCLA Slide Show:
All I can say is that I had the time of my life, meeting cool people and experiencing the university life for the first time...

That's all for now, these are the only updates I can think of... so from now on, you'll hear from me daily, bloggie... oh yeah... one more thing to update, romance!!! haha we'll just have to see...

Im Really Sorry Blogger: A Poem

2006-09-29T11:44:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't updated you in the longest time... but no more worries,

I'm gonna work on your from now on!

I know I've made this promise before... twice... maybe thrice lol

But I'm positively sure that from now on...

I will write all over you...

My blog!!!

E.T.C.

2006-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

OK it's been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged... so I guess this means that hmm... I got it!!! I have to update on things lol... so here it is... i think its gonna be long blog so grab a popcorn or whatever it is you wanna grab and READ!!! lol

The Lo Tech/ No Tech Dance Presentation
WOW! let me tell you... the dancing on stage was an experience. I didn't get nervous as much as I thought I would. That's it lol.. wow! ok, i'm starting to think that this will be a short blog =( lol. Hmmm. what else? Oh! so from now on, imma start to take more dance classes not only to develop dance skills but also perform on stage ance again.

The Jury Duty
I have Jury Duty this week. I called yesterday to see if I need to go today and luckily, I don't have to... but I have to call again tonight till Friday.. Gah! I have no clue what's gonna happen...

The Work
SUCKS!!! lol I'm not gonna go into any further detail. All I know is when I get my car, I'll apply to Barnes again or maybe... EXPRESSMEN.

The Direct TV
My parents cancelled the Dish network and switched to Direct TV. We have The Filipino Channel now. I can't say I dont like it... I'm a FOB for life lol.

The Rage
I went to Gameboi with Michael, Whitney, Allison and Stephen and and it was the funnest and most eventful yet. The club was packed and the music is the shitz... I ran and met quite a few people... "Surprisingly" lol I saw Mr. Edgar Zambrano there, had a chat and ended up dancing *blush* I met Ryo there as well who knows the hottie Ismael from the Lo Tech/No Tech show. Gah! I was kinda scurred to talk to him at first but I did and as a result, I got a dance and a number lol... I heart dancing with short guys...=) I saw my old co- worker Mark whom I haven't seen in a long time. And I also got to meet David and the feminine version of me... according to Whitney lol.

The Friend's Friend
My friend's friend likes me.. awww. After hearing a conversation between them, I now know that Stephen gets nervous around me lol. It's the cutest thing ever. I doubt that anything will happen tho. Iono.

The Summer School
I'm here at school typing.. I don't know if I'm gonna keep my class or not.. I want to take a break from school but I don't want to waste my time not doing anything but work. Grah! I dont know. I guess it depends if I have to serve the jury tomorrow and if I get in to the UCLA Summer Program. We shall see...

The end.

I Have Butterflies and Insecurities

2006-06-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

Gah! I'm performing on stage tonight and Im nervous... but yeah.. I'm excited tho. All I know is I'm gonna bring it on (hehe just like the movie??? Get it?? Huh?) lol. Anyway, we had a rehearsal on stage today and I realize that I love to dance even if I'm not very good at it, so I'm planning to take more dance classes next semester and the one after that... and the next after that and ..so on ... lol. I went to the mall and I had to "waste" like $50 for the clothes imma be wearing tonite. But I like the pants I bought at Express so I'm happy...

I'm not happy however, with the blog I read today. I admit... i am insecure with alot of things; but I can't help but be insecure.... I have my reasons. I often bring up doubts, mistrusts ... again .. I have my reasons... I just don't get it... all I can say is ...I'M HURT... that's all I know... that's all I'll say.

TRICK

2006-06-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

Ok here I am again blogging random things about my life.. I'm gonna go blah! blah! blah! blah! again so read if u want to. What can I say about myself today???

My school life is blah. WHY??? coz I stopped going to two of my classes, Sociology and Anthropology. Don't ask. But its ok... its a big fuckin relief for me anyway. I can now chillax and not worry about my finals. Its really nuthin.. Im only gonna have 2 whopping F's in my transcript and I'll be dropped from the Honor's Transfer Program. I dunno... I just think that its easier to give up than even try at all. I'm defeated I know... I'm weak... what can I say??? But I know I'll do better next semester. I hope. Gah! thats enough of that crappy education talk. I'm done being an HONOR student. I figured, I can just be one of those regular college kid...just plain REGULAR lol. I just have to make sure that I'm taking and passing the courses to enter the nursing program.

On a happier, "non-depressing note" I bought my favorite movie "TRICK" for 7 bucks yesterday. YIPPIE!!! its on VHS tho but its ok.. haha Im teary eyed. If you haven't seen the movie.. WATCH IT!!! lol. its a sweet love story between 2 guys who fell in love..aww...on the first night they meet. ::SWEET:: and yeah... JP PITOC ain't bad to look at either...lol. The songs especially at the end of the movie is my favorite.. "Trick of Fate" again... ::tear:: BTW... this is where I got my voicemail dialogue... hehe U have to call me to hear it! so Yeah. I have the movie and I'm happy.... Next movie to buy... URBANIA.

BIG ASS TV: I have a big ass television in my living room. Complete with surround sound and DVD... My parents bought it when I was in New York... and I was like WTF!!! when I got home... hehe I likey...

Cold Sore... I have a big ass cold sore on my lip. I'm pissed coz I know that it will leave a scar... damaging, what I think... is the most attractive part of my body... GAH!!!

Audrey: One of my fellow classmate passed away due to a car accident. One of the nicest girls I know.. my favorite editor aside from Roxy.. I can't believe it... its too soon for her. She could've change the world, being the activist that she is.. Rest in Peace girl...

GIO: He's not talking to me... I guess he moved on. I don't know...

Dance Performance: Hehe. My jazz class is having a dance performance next Tuesday night. Im excited but nervous.... this is my first performance on stage .. hmmm, not really... I used to perform alot when I was in the Philippines so yeah! lol. this won't be the first time. I'm still wondering whether I should take Jazz 2 next semester? I heart dancing... I heart it... I heart it... I heart it... so I guess I should.

WORK: SUCKS!!! We have a new girl.. and she's nice and bitchy at the same time... I don't want to train her tonight. I still have to pay the UNION crap by the way.. I guess I'll stay at Albertson's eventho I hate it.. I need money now more than ever... I gotta save up for a car and other things that I don't necessarily need... BLEH!

Anything else I want to add???

....that's gonna be on the next blog .........IM OUT!

Will and Grace

2006-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

I was just watching an episode of Will and Grace yesterday... and I realized that the show is actually over. And yes..I'm sad coz its one of my favorite show on television and each episode is effin funny... They have the best guests ever. And I love each and every character.

*People ask me who my favorite actress is... because of this show... I finally have an answer.. Debra Messing.

*Will Truman is who I aspire to be except he's a lawyer and I'm in the medical field lol.

*Karen Walker.......drunk and fabulous lol. BOOBIES har har

*"JUST Jack's" character... F-U-N-N-Y!

... and New York is where I want to be...

BACK =(

2006-05-30T08:11:00.001-07:00

Once we landed, I found it hard to believe that the trip/vacation is over. I'm back home; back to the ordinary once again... I have a lot to do by the way and work... typical life in Carson. Part of me is happy tho. I did miss my family and friends, my twin bed and my home-made flip food. It was great to see Marc and Richelle (2 of my "bestest""friends lol) who picked me up at the airport. But yeah 5 days in the east coast is a dream I didn't want to wake up from, but all dreams/ good must come to an end; thats how life is. We step out of our own reality for a while but we have to get back one way or the other.

The vacation with him is now only a memory of being somewhere else; out of the ordinary. Without souvenirs; pictures, shirts, and receipts that I kept; I will never believe that I visited the east coast. Yes! Its that unreal and amazing.

As I sit here and write
As I lay at home bored at night
As I feel sick and tired of my job
I know and I will remember that New York is alive and well
Full of life, people and lights
I will always remember my time spent there with him...
Amazed...
Happy...
and Loved...

No Day But Today

2006-05-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

I have seen plays on stage before but seeing "Rent" on broadway in New York is really an experience. Like WHoah!!! I have seen the movie but there is nuthin like seeing it live. Everything about it was just spectacular; the emotions the actors give, the voice they possess, the movements on stage and the songs are just sooo meaningful, deep, sad, and depressing... but it relates to real life: that's why I love it so much. I mean WOW! It was a flawless performance. GAH!!! I heart it...

I can now say that I am addicted to RENT! lol... I bought a $10 keychain- like thing that says RENT on it and I also "accidentally" bought a book at the same price. hehe and this past weeekend, I bought the soundtrack from the movie... hehe. Call me lame... but I just can't help but love it. So here... my favorite song from the show/movie

I'll Cover You

Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover - I'll cover you

Open your door I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage
To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you

I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life

Just slip me on
I'll be your blanket
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat

You'll be my king
And I'll be your castle

No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat

I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is

So with a thousand sweet kisses
If you're cold and you're lonely
With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you
You've got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you
When you're worn out and tired
With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you
When your heart has expired
Oh lover I'll cover you...

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS

2006-05-30T08:10:00.001-07:00

We went to the east coast coz Gio has to work... so I was hotelwife for 3 days. hehe. I spent most of the time sleeping in the Hamptons.. INN that is lol... and waking up having him by my side at the middle of the night... I = Happy...

Hampton's Inn: I love waking up in the morning and breakfast is ready at the lobby.
Jet Lag: I usually wake up, eat breakfast, and sleep again till 1pm coz of the 3 hour time difference... here and there...
Steaks: haha I always have steaks when we eat out... remember: medium well
Dunkin Donuts:How can I write about Boston without Dunkin D's. If we have Starbucks here... they have double D's there... I mean .. they have it there... like everywhere... really... like EVERYWHERE!!!
Mansfield: haha
Trees everywhere: were not in LA anymore lol
Hanky Panky: again... haha... OUCH!
Hotel Maids: I feel like a King...
Destiny's Childs: The soundtrack to our car rides.
Arguments: always present
Wrentham: I went to Wrentham, Massachusetts... can u believe it!!!
Outlet: Bought 2 shoes...
UGG: My babe's store
Harvard University: I saw Elle Woods hehe
Crazy Streets and Freeways of Boston: Fucking crazzzyyyy!!!
Ticket: Gio received his first ticket for running a red light. =(
Duck Tours: hehe a car that turns into a boat instantly... toured us around Boston and the Charles River
Rain: it rained on us... and we were wet!

That's all for Boston..

I HEART NEW YORK!!!

2006-05-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

SATURDAY
OK things didn't go too well at the beginning of our trip to New York .... hehe I'm not gonna write about our arguments tho lol. But anyway ... it was a heck of a long drive from Boston, Mass. to NY. We drove through an unfamiliar state called Connecticut??? lol .. but yeah ... it felt great tho once I read the sign Welcome to New York... I was like... OMG... slap me... coz this is a dream... a dream... come true...

We passed by where JLO used to live.. the Bronx.. not a very safe looking place i must say lol... Thank God it was daylight. But anyway, Gio wanted to check in to the hotel first... so off to another state we go.. This time, in New Jersey. Oh yeah... we fought again on our way there but we made up as usual. The hotel (Double Tree) was effin nice. Our room overlooks the city and the airport. hee hee nice. I heart hotel rooms. But anyway... we were getting ready to go to NY and suddenly... this announcement saying that we had to evacuate the building came on... so 9 flights down the stairs we go... and yeah... it wasn't anything serious as expected.. so finally were off to...New York.

STATUE OF LIBERTY
We see this iconic lady all the time; in books, pictures, movies... and seeing it in person is truly an experience I will never, ever, ever forget. We had to go through security check's before we board the boat to get to the island. The ride was great.... seeing New York and the Lady Liberty from what I think is the Hudson River was incredible... and sharing the moment with Gio was just perfect. The statue is HUGE!!! I'm soooo amazed.. I still can't believe that it was there... standing right in front of me.. WOW! I bought a statue to remember the day I saw the Statue of Liberty...

Tolls:
New York and New Jersey is soooo freakin expensive... Why??? You have to pay for toll fee's like every 5 minutes.. You have to get a ticket from the 1st toll and then pay at the second... GAH! its was like $5 if you have a ticket.. and a $1 if u do. I feel sorry for the people who drive there... hehe its better to take the subway..

Time Square:
Right after we left "Stats-su of Liberty lol, we headed straight to the city to see RENT on broadway ::YIPPIE:: ... we got there and then GAH!!! my jaws dropped... I stared in amazement... soooooo many lights, so many people, so many yellow taxi cabs... we were in Time Square... but yeah... we were running out of gas at that point... thank' God we found the theatre in time.. and decided to park the car and worry about getting some afterwards.

We went to eat and it was just amazing how much people are there... we judged, we made fun, we lust... at the people walking by. I can watch people for hours... but off the the show we go...

After the show... we saw more of Time Square and other things we always see on television and pictures that we hope to see in real life. I have so much more to say... but I'll keep my emotions to myself... I felt happy.... I was overwhelmed... I felt loved...

SUNDAY:
I had a great night. My feet hurt tho coz of the new shoes. New York again for this day...

Ground Zero: It was an emotional moment...
Brooklyn Bridge: I hope I got a good photo of it lol...
Union Square: Forever 21 has clothing for dudes???
Subway: Love it!!! we got lost tho... but its cooo.
Kebobs: my new york addiction...
Fashion District: WOW!!! i wish i had more money
Central Park: Big park with trees and stuff lol and it smells like horse dookies
GIO: I love him!
Cabs: everywhere and pretty expensive
Starbucks: we heart iced caramel mach.
Hershey's Candy Factory: 3 buckets of candies= my hand fuckin hurts
Navy Guys: everywhere
Trump Tower: I'm an apprentice... lol
Giant X'mas Tree: we saw where they usually have it
Flea Market: I hope that's how u spell it.. so many cheap souvenirs
Me and Gio: in the place of my dreams... Priceless....

Second day in New York was just was great and painful to my feet as the first. To this day... we still couldn't figure out where Carrie Bradshaw lives and what happened to Andre? I had fun buying 5,000 I heart New York shirts and souvenirs and visiting 5 million shops. I heart holding Gio's hand as we walked the sidewalks of New York and seeing everything together. It's a time that I will always remember... I HEART NEW YORK!

My 5 Day Get Away

2006-05-30T08:08:00.000-07:00

Ok I never in my life have I thought of visiting the east coast at 19. But because of Giovanni "Babe" Portillo, I did lol.

Original Plan:
He's suppose to go on a business trip to help open an UGG store in Boston. We both initially thought that he was going by himself but he had a crazy idea... He wanted me to come along!!! He paid for everything... he's crazy huh? but I'm thankful... I THANK YOU GIO!

EXCUSE:
We all know that the parentals would never ever....and I mean NEVER!!! allow me to go some place far away... so as usual... I came up with a lie...haha... an educational lie that is... UCLA 5 day orientation/ educational enrichment program lol. LIE= BOUGHT!

RIDE:
I thank Marc for making my trip possible. Without him... I would never get to the airport... No Marc= no trip.

Airports:
LAX: long wait... I was very sleepy since Marc dropped me off at 3:00 in the morning coz he had to go to work. My flight was around 9.

Phoenix: for a stop over... that airport is hecka ugly lol...

Boston: the east coast...Finally

The plane ride was sickening. I've never felt sick in my life. I had a headache, I was hungry, and I was uncomfortable... Gah! but I made it to Boston.

Five States:
I have never thought of visiting/seeing/stepping foot in 5 states... in a week!!! New York, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Connecticut, and Arizona. But I did. eh!

Celebrities:
Hahaha... we saw sooo many celebs in the east coast lol. Here they are:

Elle Woods- Harvard
Gracie Lou- New Jersey
Prince- New York
Chelsea Clinton- New York; working part-time at the Liberty Island security
Jennifer Lopez- Hamptons Inn: Boston and Double Tree: New Jersey... our own personal maid
Andre and Tim Gunn: Parsons NY and Red Lobsters
Carrie Bradshaw: New York
Frenchie Davis: Rent

Summary of the Trip:
May 24, 2005 (Wednesday) Airport/ Plane Rides Day
May 25, 2005 (Thursday) The Outlet
May 26, 2005 (Friday) Duck Tour/ Mall/ Outlet
May 27, 2005 (Saturday) NY, NJ, Statue of Liberty, Rent, Time Square
May 28, 2005 (Sunday) Union Square, Ground Zero, Central Park, Time Square, Back to Boston May 29, 2005 (Monday) BOO!!!

Highlight of the trip: Arguing, getting lost, being amazed... being with him...

BAD DAY!

2006-05-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

Ever had one of those days where it started so wrong and bad... you wonder... how in the world can this day be any better?

Well I'm having one of those days. I'm here in Massachusetts at a hotel lobby pouring my frustrations out... Again... writing calms me down... Othewise, I AM GOING TO LOSE IT!!!

Anyway.. what can I write about. I gotta take my mind off of things...........................................

GAH! whatever... I dont know what to write about! ... its gloomy and foggy outside... my type of weather. I think I'm just gonna go outside and enjoy it..

Psychiatric Nursing

2006-05-03T18:07:00.000-07:00

So after sitting in class for two hours listening to a Psychiatric Nurse speak, I decided that I want to look into becoming one. Gah! I'm taking this Intro. to Health Career class and out of all the careers presented it is narrowed down to 2.

First i thought of being in the Pediatrics but after hearing what a psychiatric nurse do and what they have to deal/ work with... "I finally found it... the career that would make me very happy for the rest of my life" lol. Maybe not! But I'm still gonna look into it and see if its right for me. I just really like the fact that you get to encounter different types of people and hear their stories about the things they hear and things they see. I don't know. I'm fascinated. I wanna help those people who are unable to cope with depression and rough life challenges. Its a cool area of the health field as well because I don't have to deal with the physical yucks such as blood, surgery, pains, and blood and even more bloods and YUCKS!!! and OUCH!!! and Gah's... har har...

SUBWAY: EAT FRESH
I had subway after the nursing class and I'm stuck here at the library waiting for my 7:00 class to start. I had the Cheese steak. YUM!!!! har har. I'm fucking full and I'm fat. But yeah GIO said that he has a good news and a bad news to tell me. Wonder what it is??? So if ur reading this... u know I'm anxious to find out.

Anyway.. why do people view me as a whore/a player??? haha a sudden change of topic I know! But I just have to write about my past so I can start new. and YES Gio this is for YOU!

Fine I've been with some people before but this was when I was just exploring being gay. I messed around with people to see what it feels like and possibly find someone to be with. Out of all the guys that I've been with, I have never done any intercourse other than making out and the "oral" stuff. I once was a virgin but this was taken by someone who I care about. The reason why I have held on to my virginity is because I really want to give it to someone special so that it will mean something more than just a one time thing or because I was really feeling horny. For people who I don't even know saying that I've been around... is just a stupid thing to say because 1st, they don't know who I am; and 2nd they didn't hear it from me.

...BREAK...

2006-05-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

OK! I'm taking a break from studying. Studying sucks! I've expressed this throughout this blog and YES! I'm gonna say it again. I went online today to see what I got in the exam we took last week... I don't even want to say what I got. Let's just say that its a big downfall from the A that I received last time. =( >>> I guess I'm not going to UCLA... but you never know. Gah!

Life is "Gah"-ish for me lately. I have so many things to do but I just don't find/have time to do it. I'm either working or laying around at home doing nuthin. Everything that needs to be done is mostly school related. I can't wait until summer! So I can start fresh with new courses and develop a much better study techniques.

hehe I ate what is called DELUX CHILI FRIES at Del Taco today (fucking random I know!) but I just have to write how good it is lol...

WORK: So this thing UNION is asking me for $180 before May 15 or else I will be terminated from Albertson's. I don't know whether I want to pay or not. That's too much money for a part- time worker like me. In addition, they will deduct $75 from my paycheck every month. Meaning... I will earn nuthin. =( And my cellphone bill aint helpin either. My cell got disconnected for the second time but luckily, I did manage to pay it =)

Jury Duty: I got summoned for jury duty... Fun huh? I just hope that if I get called for service... it has to be one of them interesting cases ... you know... murder or some shitz like that lol... I dont know lol... The Supreme crap is the last thing I want to know about.

...what else can i write about... hehe relationship??? I'm with Joe and I'm happy. I'll write about my relationship with him next time... in a separate blog. Heheh. Special man means special and separate blog right? ... I think he agrees lol.

FUCK-ne: I getting more and more acne... what am I going to do???
1. Drink more water.
2. No more junks.
3. Healthy food.
4. Water.
5. No more stressing about school.

Dance: I fucking hate my jazz class. I am dancing along with the good people and I am behind. I was absent one day when they added new routines, now I don't know what to do. FUCK! whatever tho. I might not perform coz Adrian won't.

...EXAM tomorrow...
So I have an exam for Sociology tomorrow and the topic is relationship. I just have to write a little bit about the important thing that I read. This relates to real life so its worth writing about...

(Typing like Carrie Bradshaw)
We all talk about the topic of love. We all hope to be in love; to love and be loved. As said by my professor, relationship is only good at the beginning. The high in a relationship is not maintained. It is temporary and quick. Where does it go?

We hurt when love don't last, but why do we pursue falling in love? Why do we open our hearts again if we know how painful it is?

To be in love is to take risks. People like us hope that the benefits of being in love will outweigh those risks of being hurt.

WOW! I wrote a long entry... That's it for now...

APRIL 20, 2005

2006-05-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

It was around 2 in the morning when he text me.

He said he was on his way to see me.

I didn't believe it.

This guy's insane if he's serious about seeing me.

He is, as a matter of fact on his way to see me.

Got up... Cleaned my room and waited....

Finally, he's outside my door waiting.

... this is the day Giovanni Portillo became my BOYFRIEND...

...STUCK...

2006-04-03T15:49:00.000-07:00

Ever had a song stuck in your head?

I'm betting that the answer is "YES"?

Same here so here's the lyrics for your enjoyment.

I'll Be Your Secret by Tim James

I wanna be that guy
who can say youre mine,
when were standing in the movie line
I wanna pick you out of the crowd
shout it out so loud
so everyone hears me
and I would give you the world
but if you decide thats not what you like
if you wanna keep this quiet
then baby

I'll be our secret
if you can keep it
and ill be your friend if you really need
and i'l be the answer to your eyes
if youre willing to give me a try
i'll be your secret

sometimes I feel like tearing down these walls
that keep me strapped inside
I wanna take away that doubt
show that what im about
so that cant ignore me
and I would hold you tonite
but no no no no thats not what they like
they wanna keep us quiet
then baby

I'll be our secret
if you can keep it
and ill be your friendif you really need
and i'l be the answer to your eyes
if youre willing to give me a try
i'll be your secret

dont let them tell you how to be
just open up your eyes and see
that you belong to me...
why should we care what people say
why should we let them stand in out way
you dont have to be afraid

if youre willin to give me a try
I wanna pick you out of the crowd
shout it out so loud
so everyone hears me
I wanna give you the world, i wanna give you the world
and let me be the answers to your eyes
let me be your secret

...I wanna give you the world
but if thats not what you like
then I'll be your secret
if you can keep it...

The Guy

2006-03-29T16:17:00.000-08:00

Ok. I guess I'm gonna write about one thing that is in my head. I don't know if I should but I am going to anyway...

"I really worry. But I worry coz I care and I want this to work out. U need to know what u want... i know ur young... but I want to give u the world and make u happy each day".

I tell people my ideal man. My ideal relationship. Over the past 2 weeks, I think that he already came into my life. Name? Gio Portillo. And what I like about him are things that I have never seen in anyone before. He has done things to me that no one ever did.

Genuine guy who takes the time to drive down here from Oxnard just to spend some time with me.

Really like me, misses me, tells me everyday how he feels.

Talks about me with his friends at all times.

Takes me to places I have never been.

Takes care of me everytime.

The talks are amazing. Open communication.

Affectionate, nice and kind.

Romantic.

Playful.

Gentle.

Goes to school, has a job, owns a place.

Generous.

Honest and truthful.

Everything I look for in a guy and in a relationship... and more!

He asked me to be with him. And why did I reject? I don't know. Something's wrong with me. Is he too perfect? Am I too immature? Do I not trust myself enough? Do I like somebody else? Do I fear commitment? Gah! I have never questioned myself so much in my life. I'm afraid that I passed on someone really amazing, but I don't know if I am ready to commit myself. I have never been with someone like this in my life. I'm afraid. All these time I thought I was ready for a real relationship... but when someone actually came, I'm runnin scared. WHY? All these questions are driving me insane. *tear*

I don't know what to do. Why is it that when someone adores you, you end up not wanting to be with them, but you chase someone who is not that interested in you? Life.

Addict.

2006-03-29T15:31:00.000-08:00

You know what I hate about starting this blog again??? I can't stop writing. I look forward to writing my entry for the day. Another weird thing is ... I actually wrote down topics of things that I want to write about!!!!... im a fuckin *nerd*

"Why Blogger??? WHY???"

I don't know. Writing is therapeutic. Instead of keeping things inside myself... I write and let people who read this, if any, know. I guess I have alot of things in my head. Writing this bloggy would be like having a shrink.... only I don't have to pay for it and it doesn't respond back...har har. Yeah! I have alot of things in my head. Nice to know that in the future days, I will look back on things I wrote feeling much more different than what I'm feeling as I write a particular entry.

Rainy Day

2006-03-28T12:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah! today is pretty rainy. I like the rain. Tho sometimes its kinda depressing. Rain is a sight to see. There's nuthin I'd like to do more than just sit at a Starbucks and watch as the rain pour down... listen to music and maybe spend it with someone. Gah! I wanna nap too while its pouring. There's alot to do when its raining. One of the most relaxing weather... I think, dark, gloomy, and cold. Nice picture huh? Gah... I miss someone.

My Day:
Today I went to Jazz class in the morning. I got pissed coz the instructor made us do more ballet stuff which is not and never will be my thing. But I did like the fact that we worked on our dance routine for the big performance we're going to have at the end of the semester. Then its off McD's with Adrianne and ate some calories which is so appropriate coz we just finished working out =). Then off to Soc. class where we talked about sex and relationship. Blah! I went to GSA meeting (im the secretary btw) and talked about homophobia and other issues in the gay community. And then Anthro. where the prof. talked about the ape language. BLAH! rough day* >>> got home... ate squid *yum* and then...work.

"Rain. A sight of beauty.
Peaceful and serene.
How I'd love to walk around while the rain pour on top of my head.
That's how much I love the rain".

..Random..

2006-03-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

From now on... Imma start my blog with pictures I find online. I like pictures... I like art. hehe ...One thing about blogging is you discover what you like in life. I guess imma keep blogging so I can discover things about myself and for those who are reading this, you'll discover things about me even if we're not going to meet. =)
BTW. I just posted a bulletin on DL about my blog... wish I could do it on MYSPACE but I have cousins there who doesnt know about me. =(

Gah! anyway look up??? nice picture huh? i was looking at images on google and I found that pic. so why not post it? Oh GOD! i just know Im gonna head back to the topic of relationship =( lol. i dont know. I said before that I'm the romantic type. There's nuthin i want more than have someone to hold at night and have someone to enjoy times with. EH! Sunset is beautiful ey?

RANDOM (enough of the serious crap!)

I was at the store to get something to eat and I just have to write about my newest favorite chips in the whole wide world... Lay's Kettle Cooked Mesquite BBQ... lol AHHHH! ::orgasms:: it is sooooooo GOOOD lol very crunchy and flavorful... hehe KIT KAT and TWIX >>> favorite candy bars lol.
AQUAFINA .. Im trying to drink more water. I wanna get fit... Now that I'm driving, I'm planning to get a gym membership somewhere. I wanna stay fit and healthy coz Im getting old =(.
Toffee Nut Latte: My favorite drink from Starbucks

Oh god! why am i writing about these??? lol... this is my 3rd blog today... i think I'm officially a blog addict. Gah! I should do homework...

Mr. Lonely

2006-03-27T17:20:00.000-08:00

Ok.. I just got back from eating. I'm gonna blog again for today coz I have 2 more hours till class starts... what can I say tho? hmm. I dont know. lol.

See the picture? Depressing isn't it? But being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. Being alone makes you think about life... things you have done in the past, things you regret, things about the future... yeah yeah! I like to blabber about blah's. I guess I just need an introduction about the topic of RELATIONSHIP!

But I really dont want to talk about relationship. Maybe a little summary would be ok? Relationship is complicated. I can't trust myself. I can't trust anyone. I dont know whether I want to be in a relationship. I thought about this topic last night because of a certain event that happened. GAH! I dont know. I really dont want to write about it.

OK... Imma try to do this blogger thing again

2006-03-27T15:55:00.000-08:00

well its almost APRIL and this will be my 4th blog. GEE. I love blogging.

SO i was reading my previous blogs and its quiete intetesting how my life differs 3 months after I started writing.

To update on my previous blogs:

Well my first blog... i was whining about relationship and i was talking to someone>>> that didn't work out! lol...
i mispelled hundreds in the "RENT" entry... (I don't feel like editing so imma leave it as is.)
and I have yet to see MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA. =(

Now... I sit here in the library waiting for my next class to start at 7. its only 4 and yeah. I'm bored. so im gonna start writing stuff that no one really reads except maybe Anette and Nina (Hobbz). Gah! I have nuthin better to do.

Liscence: I got my liscence already!!! hehe im sooo effin happy coz I can now legally drive. My auntie is also selling her car for 600 bucks... a white CAMRY.. which is ok.. as long as I drive something.

Work: I work for Starbucks once again. hehe. a FAKE one tho. Its inside ALBERTSONS. Im happy coz I earn 7.55 and the shop closes at 7pm so I don't have to work late. And yes!!! i still get to go out har har.

Celly: My cellphone works again after a week of disconnection. yeah yeah!!! i was broke but now IM RICH! lol

Jasmin Trias: U may remember her from the 3rd season of AMERICAN IDOL... i saw her perform at RAGE on a Friday night! hehe YES! I finally got a chance to go to GAMEBOI! har har...

School: ________________________________haha

Wellpz... thats all I'm gonna say for now... I have more things to write but I really dont want to... i wanna get something to eat lol... and yeah!

Aite then... till the next blog...

Memoirs of A Geisha

2005-12-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

Oh my GOD!!! I have never been so excited to see a movie in my life...I just saw the preview of MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA and I am sooo amazed. WOW! This is a movie that I will definitely watch... and YES! I do think that it will earn some Academy Awards nominations... WHY? Based on the preview it has alot of things that a great movie will have... the costumes, the acting (the girl is really pretty by the way... I think Zhang Ziyi is her name) and i think that the movie will capture alot of things that the Japanese culture have. I can't wait... I'm definitely watching this movie...

525,600 Minutes

2005-12-08T19:09:00.000-08:00

Five hundrend twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundrend twenty five thousand moments so dear
Five hundrend twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year

I finally saw RENT... I've been wanting to see it and YES I did like the movie but not as much as I thought I would. I did liked the person I was with more than the movie... Let's just put it that way... =) I LOVE THE SONG THO... "SEASON's OF LOVE"...

Yeah! I have to say that it was a magical evening...

New Blog for the Not So New Year

2005-12-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

OK. I'm going to start writing again. Hopefully, I'll finish this year without failing to blog at least once a week. Anyway Blogging is in my list of things to do so here I am starting this thingy up again. I said to myself that I would start writing New Year's Day but I have sooo much things on my mind right now that I want to jot down... I have this intense craving to write things that are going on in my life. *sigh* I don't know... writing is like a therapy to me. I like it. Too bad I'm not that good at it. Anyway how do I start?

I wanna start with a BANG! lol

Relationship:
You see, I'm of seeing someone. Well not seeing, but talking... I don't know what to call it yet. There are so many reasons why I stayed single for a long time.Based on what I've experienced before, I hate the fact that I think about the person all the time. I find it hard to trust people. I get jealous and easily pushed away. I just don't want to think about whether the person is thinking of me as much as I am thinking him. I'm afraid to emotionally invest on something that might hurt me in the future. RAHH! I tend to overanalyze everything and I hate that in terms of relationship... I always think about whether the guy is cheating on me while I'm at home stuck wondering what he's doing. EECK* but I do miss the perks of being in a relationship. The cuddling, kissing and enjoying each other's company. Damn! that's what I love the most.

But anyway I have uncertainties with this one, just like any other relationships. It's not like I asked to be with someone. Its not like I actually look around for someone contrary to what many people think. It just sorta happened. I've been in relationship hiatus for such a long time and I have to say that "I'm loving it" even if I bitch and moan about being lonely from time to time lol. BUT there will always be someone who will show up unexpectedly. You know the saying that everyone tells you; "Don't look for love, let love find you" or something like that? Well that's what happened and I'm slowly falling for this person. *sigh*

DOUBTS??? He's a very attractive guy. I really find it hard to trust cute people since many are attracted to them which lead to temptations to do some cheating (ie. past relationship with a certain someone). I'm not the greatest looking guy, and yes... I worry that he will cheat. I mean YES people say things about being incapable of cheating; missing you; liking you; and all... BUT THOSE ARE JUST WORDS anyone can say. There are 24 hours in a day and ur only with that person for so long that anything can happen in between those hours that we're apart. Geesh! I just hate thinking... I hate falling for someone... and I hate ... iono... lol HOW CAN U BE SURE IF Their INTENTIONS ARE PURE??? HOW CAN U BE SURE IF they are TELLING THE TRUTH???

I don't know... I guess I just don't want to get hurt... well who does??? I remember this quote:

"It is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all"

I think that its so true... I guess you won't know whether the relationship is worth having... take it day by day I guess... and besides... how can u really have a relationship without trust? The thing is, I don't know the guy that much and it is not fair to judge him based on my past experiences. I don't know. I'm stupid...

KARMA? I have been in relationships before where I stopped seeing someone because of my shallowness (I'll admit it) and because I got tired of the person. I guess I was too immature to properly break up with them as well as being afraid of hurting their feelings. I have done a few things in the past that Im not particularly proud of and because of being single, negative (yes I got tested and I'm all negative) and worry free for so long I'm kind of scared to get hurt, infected and filled with worries. =( Thats why its hard for me to get back to "RELATIONSHIP-hood" but I can't help it... lol.

Note to self:
I want to make sure that I know someone before I get attached to them. Have intimate relationship for reasons that are far deeper than just horniness... IONO! I'm blabbering shitz about relationship... Im not even sure if I make any sense??? All I know is I'm liking someone... and we'll see where it will go from here... This may become a new relationship and I'm pretty sure, it will be different (i hope) ... just wait and see... =)

EDUCATION:
First semester is almost over and finals are the killers... I just hope that I maintain a 3.0 and keep doing whatever I can in order to achieve that highest GPA possible. I don't really want to get into the education aspect... I'm just getting more depress =( ick* I can't wait until X' mas vacation... Let's just put it that way.... Oh yeah! Have I mention that I plan on transferring to UCLA??? Well YEAH! I do lol.

DRIVING:
OMG! when am I going to get my liscence? RAHH! its not like I don't know how to drive; its a matter of when am I going to find the time to take the test? Am I really ready to take the test? As I said, I tend to over analyze things... I hate it>>> I hate myself... lol... (this blog could very well be turned into some kind of a diary of a mad man or something lol) SOON tho... driving with a liscense is coming very soon....

JOB:
I need to get a job. My parent's allowance just don't cut it anymore...

I dont know what to write about anymore... hehe so yeah... till next blog... IM OUT...