I Want Him to Come Home

I miss him very much...two more days and I'll get to see my baby...

To My Lola,

I've been missing my lola lately. Especially tonight, I found myself in tears all of a sudden, thinking about her. She passed away almost 2 years ago after a long fight to live a normal life once again, but sadly she passed away. I miss everything about her: her cookings, her love and care for her kids and grandkids, watching TFC with her, spending mornings at her house when I decided to skip first period, running errands for her at Hoa Fong, holidays especially Christmas... its never the same without my lola. I miss her very much. I know she's in a very special place right now, looking over us, over me... but I just can't help but miss her.

To my lola,
You're not and will never be forgotten. We hope that you're happy wherever you are. I love you very much and I will hold you very close to my heart... forever.

A Thanksgiving Blog

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the official start of the holidays. Normally, I would be very happy, but since I’m the “broke-est” man alive, hehe I’m not so happy. Why? Coz I’m not gonna be able to shop and spend =( gah. I really need a job, but I’m not doing anything about it…

Academia:
School once again is the shit… and I mean that in the most negative way as possible lol. I’m not doing bad, but again I could do a lot better, but the semester is almost over so I’m looking forward to that =).

Coming Out Update:
So from the last blog, I told my mom about my situation… but the big TWIST; haha I know you didn’t see this one coming: my dad found out too! After overhearing a conversation between my sister and my mom about my sexual orientation, my dad now knows that I am gay… YIPPIE! Of course conversation took place and here’s a list of some things that came out of my parent’s mouths:

• It’s just a phase… u can change.

• U should be ashamed of yourself.

• U’re gonna be lonely forever.

• You don’t act gay, so you can’t be gay.

• Blah! Blah! Blah!

I’m GAY!!! lol ACCEPT IT!

In spite of these stereotypical remarks, my parents and I are ok now. I guess they figured that I’m not one of those stereotypical gay guys that they know: dressing like a girl, flamy type, paying guys to be their "papa" lol. I'm anything but that! Now it seems like nothing ever happened. Everything's the same. My coming out didn’t make as huge of an impact as I’d hope for. Eh! Whatever!

LOVE:
Aside from coming out, I managed to find someone to love. Seems like the list that I made of things I want to accomplish at the age of 20 is getting checked one by one hehe. But yeah! I’ve never felt so content being with someone in my life. He’s different and much more that I could ever ask for. He is a special guy doing things that only he and I know hehe. I don’t want to get too detailed. That’s all I’m gonna say. He’s making me happy. I really miss him tho. He’s in San Francisco for the Thanksgiving break, so I haven’t seen him for over a week =(

Major:
I finally decided that I’m gonna give Nursing a try. My mom is right, I don’t think I can be as successful if I major in something else. Its about time I pick the major that I want. I feel like I’m wasting my time and money in school; and yes! I've wasted a year and a half taking courses that I don’t even need. I have a lot of classes still to take in order to apply to the Nursing Program; most are lab sciences. So future semesters are gonna be tough for me. I feel like with this career path, I can be affluent and successful.

PACMAN:
Haha random I know; but I just have to write about the Pacquaio Vs. Morales fight that took place last Saturday. Guess who kicked someone’s butt? Yup Yup… it was the “People’s Champ” Manny Pacquaio who once again brought pride to the Filipino’s… Mabuhay si Manny!!!

My FOB Side:
Hehe again, soo random. I am addicted to a soap opera: “Bakekang” sounds weird I know, but its really good. I love the story and I can’t miss an episode. Me and my mom are fcukin addicted lol. Oh btw, if someone wants to make me straight, the bring these fine ass Filipinas to me lol:

• Sarah Geronimo

• Katrina Halili

• Issa Calzado

• Isabel Oli

• Angel Locsin

DaVinci Code
I watched the gosh darn film and I was hella confused. Fcukin movie didn’t make any sense. Eh I guess I’m not very religious… ATTENTION: IT'S CONFIRMED, NIXXON BARRERA is not a religious person! People keep telling me to read the book instead since the movie made an awful mess of it; but yeah right! I don’t even have time to read things that I’m required to… I also watched “Ice Age: The Meltdown” with my brother. It was a funny movie, but I realized that I was laughing more than he did haha.

P.S.
November is such a weird month, I just realized that November 2004, exactly 2 years ago: I came out to my sis and that’s when I have Onad, my very first boyfriend. And now; 2006 I came out to my parents and I have Raffy as a boyfriend. Hmm. Weird.

But anyway...
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

The Day I Came Out To My Mother

Shitty day.
I’m having one of those days today. I thought today would just be a regular day, but BOY! was I wrong. Tonight has been a very crazy night, to put a bit of decency to what happened.

My dad came in my room and apparently could smell marijuana. The guy clearly doesn’t know me. He should know that I would not do such thing… but NO!!! He accused me of doing drugs. For a guy who doesn’t smoke, not even a cigarette, that's really insulting. So I had to talk back… the talk back turned to him hitting me… and my mom came in to intervene.

The bitch (please excuse my vulgar word, but I’m just really angry) talked shit about my friends being a “BAD INFLUENCE” and even criticized my studies. The “Father of the Year” doesn’t see any of my good qualities: all he sees are my bad side, which I’m not gonna deny, I do have it.

Anyway, my nanay (mom) who I love very much, came in to talk to me in a sincere, a very sincere way. In her motherly tone, she asked me if I'm doing anything drug-ish. I will never lie to my mom so I told her the truth. She told me that she was there for me and I should tell her about my life. Anything that’s been buggin me, problems that I’m facing. And there it was, the perfect time to say it: “Problema ko, bakla ako”. Then there was silence… I was a bit relieved, a bit embarrased, a bit scared of how she's going to react. Eh, its about time I told her.

Then she asked “why?”

I said “I don’t know”. Hehe I didn't want to lecture about the "Nature, Nurture" debate; gene contribution, the Kinsey Report, etc. Now is not the time...
(its weird how I can still manage to have a sense of humor during these times ::lol::)

Anyway, she told me to respect my dad and walked out of my room. I’m pretty sure we’ll talk about it tomorrow. When my dad’s not around; the guy’s narrow minded, he won’t get it. We’ll see what’s gonna happen…

November…first comes “LOVE”; second “Coming Out” … hmm what else will this month bring me???

NOVEMBER 11, 2006

The day Rafael and Nixxon are together...

Si PONG...

I Really like a guy named "PONG"

November this year is a blessing. In spite the fact that I have no job and no money, school sucks as usual, someone is managing to make me HAPPY… and his name is… hmm. OH! Yeah. It’s Raffy hehe. I really don’t want to write a whole novel about him, though I want to… Lemme just summarize everything, the way I am taking on life, with pure simplicity… he is a great guy. I can never asked for a better guy to see, talk to and be comfortable with. I am a lucky guy.

I've never seen myself with a Filipino guy, but I guess when being "in like" happens, it happens. And the fact is, I've never been more happier and content. I know there's no such thing as "THE PERFECT GUY", but if someone gets along with my friends, holds the same values as I do and shows that he is the most honest and the most caring person in the world, then that would make my "PERFECT and IDEAL GUY"

To Raffy:
I managed to sneak in the flowers you gave me... lol. Thank you for a great weekend babe. Hindi kita iiwan and I hope you'd do the same thing. Lets make this work!

And now, a song lol:
Bakit ba ganyan?
Ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan
Umula't, umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
Ang iyong katangian
Damdamin ko'y ibang iba
Kapag kapiling ka sinta.

Ewan ko kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay 'di maintindihan
Kailngan and pag- ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa yo
Magmula, ng kita ay makilala (sa Rage lol)

I like you very much... kahit lagi kang may dumi sa mukha lol. muah