The Guy

Ok. I guess I'm gonna write about one thing that is in my head. I don't know if I should but I am going to anyway...

"I really worry. But I worry coz I care and I want this to work out. U need to know what u want... i know ur young... but I want to give u the world and make u happy each day".

I tell people my ideal man. My ideal relationship. Over the past 2 weeks, I think that he already came into my life. Name? Gio Portillo. And what I like about him are things that I have never seen in anyone before. He has done things to me that no one ever did.

Genuine guy who takes the time to drive down here from Oxnard just to spend some time with me.

Really like me, misses me, tells me everyday how he feels.

Talks about me with his friends at all times.

Takes me to places I have never been.

Takes care of me everytime.

The talks are amazing. Open communication.

Affectionate, nice and kind.

Romantic.

Playful.

Gentle.

Goes to school, has a job, owns a place.

Generous.

Honest and truthful.

Everything I look for in a guy and in a relationship... and more!

He asked me to be with him. And why did I reject? I don't know. Something's wrong with me. Is he too perfect? Am I too immature? Do I not trust myself enough? Do I like somebody else? Do I fear commitment? Gah! I have never questioned myself so much in my life. I'm afraid that I passed on someone really amazing, but I don't know if I am ready to commit myself. I have never been with someone like this in my life. I'm afraid. All these time I thought I was ready for a real relationship... but when someone actually came, I'm runnin scared. WHY? All these questions are driving me insane. *tear*

I don't know what to do. Why is it that when someone adores you, you end up not wanting to be with them, but you chase someone who is not that interested in you? Life.

Addict.

You know what I hate about starting this blog again??? I can't stop writing. I look forward to writing my entry for the day. Another weird thing is ... I actually wrote down topics of things that I want to write about!!!!... im a fuckin *nerd*

"Why Blogger??? WHY???"

I don't know. Writing is therapeutic. Instead of keeping things inside myself... I write and let people who read this, if any, know. I guess I have alot of things in my head. Writing this bloggy would be like having a shrink.... only I don't have to pay for it and it doesn't respond back...har har. Yeah! I have alot of things in my head. Nice to know that in the future days, I will look back on things I wrote feeling much more different than what I'm feeling as I write a particular entry.

Rainy Day

Yeah! today is pretty rainy. I like the rain. Tho sometimes its kinda depressing. Rain is a sight to see. There's nuthin I'd like to do more than just sit at a Starbucks and watch as the rain pour down... listen to music and maybe spend it with someone. Gah! I wanna nap too while its pouring. There's alot to do when its raining. One of the most relaxing weather... I think, dark, gloomy, and cold. Nice picture huh? Gah... I miss someone.

My Day:
Today I went to Jazz class in the morning. I got pissed coz the instructor made us do more ballet stuff which is not and never will be my thing. But I did like the fact that we worked on our dance routine for the big performance we're going to have at the end of the semester. Then its off McD's with Adrianne and ate some calories which is so appropriate coz we just finished working out =). Then off to Soc. class where we talked about sex and relationship. Blah! I went to GSA meeting (im the secretary btw) and talked about homophobia and other issues in the gay community. And then Anthro. where the prof. talked about the ape language. BLAH! rough day* >>> got home... ate squid *yum* and then...work.

"Rain. A sight of beauty.
Peaceful and serene.
How I'd love to walk around while the rain pour on top of my head.
That's how much I love the rain".

..Random..

From now on... Imma start my blog with pictures I find online. I like pictures... I like art. hehe ...One thing about blogging is you discover what you like in life. I guess imma keep blogging so I can discover things about myself and for those who are reading this, you'll discover things about me even if we're not going to meet. =)
BTW. I just posted a bulletin on DL about my blog... wish I could do it on MYSPACE but I have cousins there who doesnt know about me. =(

Gah! anyway look up??? nice picture huh? i was looking at images on google and I found that pic. so why not post it? Oh GOD! i just know Im gonna head back to the topic of relationship =( lol. i dont know. I said before that I'm the romantic type. There's nuthin i want more than have someone to hold at night and have someone to enjoy times with. EH! Sunset is beautiful ey?

RANDOM (enough of the serious crap!)

• I was at the store to get something to eat and I just have to write about my newest favorite chips in the whole wide world... Lay's Kettle Cooked Mesquite BBQ... lol AHHHH! ::orgasms:: it is sooooooo GOOOD lol very crunchy and flavorful... hehe KIT KAT and TWIX >>> favorite candy bars lol.
• AQUAFINA .. Im trying to drink more water. I wanna get fit... Now that I'm driving, I'm planning to get a gym membership somewhere. I wanna stay fit and healthy coz Im getting old =(.
• Toffee Nut Latte: My favorite drink from Starbucks

Oh god! why am i writing about these??? lol... this is my 3rd blog today... i think I'm officially a blog addict. Gah! I should do homework...

Mr. Lonely

Ok.. I just got back from eating. I'm gonna blog again for today coz I have 2 more hours till class starts... what can I say tho? hmm. I dont know. lol.

See the picture? Depressing isn't it? But being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. Being alone makes you think about life... things you have done in the past, things you regret, things about the future... yeah yeah! I like to blabber about blah's. I guess I just need an introduction about the topic of RELATIONSHIP!

But I really dont want to talk about relationship. Maybe a little summary would be ok? Relationship is complicated. I can't trust myself. I can't trust anyone. I dont know whether I want to be in a relationship. I thought about this topic last night because of a certain event that happened. GAH! I dont know. I really dont want to write about it.

OK... Imma try to do this blogger thing again

well its almost APRIL and this will be my 4th blog. GEE. I love blogging.

SO i was reading my previous blogs and its quiete intetesting how my life differs 3 months after I started writing.

To update on my previous blogs:

• Well my first blog... i was whining about relationship and i was talking to someone>>> that didn't work out! lol...
• i mispelled hundreds in the "RENT" entry... (I don't feel like editing so imma leave it as is.)
• and I have yet to see MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA. =(

Now... I sit here in the library waiting for my next class to start at 7. its only 4 and yeah. I'm bored. so im gonna start writing stuff that no one really reads except maybe Anette and Nina (Hobbz). Gah! I have nuthin better to do.

Liscence: I got my liscence already!!! hehe im sooo effin happy coz I can now legally drive. My auntie is also selling her car for 600 bucks... a white CAMRY.. which is ok.. as long as I drive something.

Work: I work for Starbucks once again. hehe. a FAKE one tho. Its inside ALBERTSONS. Im happy coz I earn 7.55 and the shop closes at 7pm so I don't have to work late. And yes!!! i still get to go out har har.

Celly: My cellphone works again after a week of disconnection. yeah yeah!!! i was broke but now IM RICH! lol

Jasmin Trias: U may remember her from the 3rd season of AMERICAN IDOL... i saw her perform at RAGE on a Friday night! hehe YES! I finally got a chance to go to GAMEBOI! har har...

School: ________________________________haha

Wellpz... thats all I'm gonna say for now... I have more things to write but I really dont want to... i wanna get something to eat lol... and yeah!

Aite then... till the next blog...